Hearing loss, or to put it the old fashioned way, deafness, has a profound affect on relationships.
Communication is changed.
Misunderstandings occur.
Patience is challenged, frustration creeps in. Quick quips are wasted when they have to be repeated several times. Ordinary conversation is made more difficult, especially in a car, or if I am on the 'wrong' side (one ear is worse than the other)...and yes, he does wear his hearing aids.
Small talk, inconsequential chatter, melts away. One gets out of the habit when the effort required in rephrasing or repeating is greater than the original content.
Patience is tried, on both sides.
Inevitably, the flow of conversations change, the content, the language and the tone. Frustration, hurt, loneliness creep in.
This is when you have to dig deep and work at a relationship.
ps It also helps if you find television programmes with subtitles.
x
Know the problem though I draw the line at subtitles, I'm not that bad yet
ReplyDeleteWe don't watch a lot of television, Bill, but we do enjoy Scandinavian crime dramas and they come with subtitles. My husband doesn't have to adjust the volume control upwards, or ask me what someone has just said.. Bliss!
DeleteA misunderstanding about hearing aids is... That the talker still needs to be looking _at_ the deaf person. Hearing aids are not like glasses, which totally correct the problem. At least, that was "the way it was" when I had my hearing aids. Which I gave up on.
ReplyDeleteYes, they are now supposed to be Marrrrvelously Betttter. And these also cost "an arm and a leg." I'd hate to go for them, and not have them "be right," and have wasted all that money. -sigh- What to do? What to do?
Subtitles have been part of our viewing, for ages now. But the tv ones, are not 'good.' They lag, behind the speaker on the screen. Netflix ones actually can be a beat ahead of the actor. Which is fine.
Of course, I don't know who is the deaf one. Could be an older member of the family.... Could be your husband...
Here, we are both "in need"... And neither have "taken the plunge" to new digital hearing aids.
But I understand your frustration. I had that with my mother, before she went for hearing aids. I know the rest of the family, don't want to converse with me.
Getting older ain't for sissies!!!!! ,-)
Hearing aids can be horribly expensive - I fear that his (my husband's) will need to be replaced soon. The television volume keeps being adjusted upwards and we have some very surreal conversations before we realise that we are talking two completely different conversations! It pays to have a sense of humour. He has lost his upper levels of hearing, I am losing the lower levels, but between us we have perfect hearing!! We muddle through.
DeleteDH and I both wear two hearing aids, I wear mine all day, he removes his as soon as he can.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is pretty good about wearing his, too. We have some interesting conversations - like the time he asked me to explain what 'the goose' had to do with the murder drama we had just watched - there was no goose, no one had mentioned a goose, but somewhere in there he had heard the word goose...
DeleteI sometimes have to resort to subtitles for husband, not myself, when someone with a heavy accent speaks, say from Scotland, Wales or Tyneside. They might be able to be understood in their own areas, but not down here in South Devon, sadly. And I dare say a Devonian accent might be hard for a Scot to understand, too.
ReplyDeleteHusband and I often have the strangest conversations because of his hearing loss. But sadly, if subtitles are being used I find myself reading them rather than watching the action or a drama; it might as well be on the radio. I can't read and watch.
Actors and, indeed, any people on TV, who mumble really get my goat, too. I have good hearing, but they certainly don't annunciate these days as once they did. Some people speak clearly, but sadly these are few and far between.
Margaret P
Accents can be very tricky, I sometimes just give up, especially on news clips. I understand about those strange conversations, they happen here, too. So funny in retrospect, frustrating at the time.
DeleteWe don't watch much television but we do enjoy some of the Scandinavian crime dramas and they come with subtitles - hurrah! They can be distracting if you focus on them, but they save me from having to repeat what the actors have said, losing the thread of what is actually happening. We muddle through!
My husband doesn't have hearing aids but will need them sooner than he realizes or admits to. He can't hear me in the car when I speak in a normal voice. He mishears other words now. His hearing loss is a result of sitting in the back row of the orchestra next to the bass trombonist. Husband was a tuba player for 10+years with the symphony.
ReplyDeleteI guess that would certainly have a big impact, Marcia. In my husband's case, it was his years spent in the Royal Marines which began the problem. Hearing aids are a big help, though they do come with some challenges of their own.
DeleteThis is a really great post and much appreciated! Hugs...RO
ReplyDeleteThank you, Ro. Nice to meet you!
ReplyDelete